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12:27 p.m. - 2007-04-16
Happy Birthday To ????
Ok, my weekend was totally shit. Now Saturday was my husbands birthday. I really didn't have any plans because he wants to wait till next month for his birthday present. Which is fine with me. So I am laying on the bed (on my stomach) and my husband lays on top of me and starts to kiss my back. In the mean time the damn remote control is digging up my knee so I start to kick my legs to move and accidently kick him in the balls. Well holy shit, you would of thought that I killed him!! The rampage started, the name calling and screaming began. So after that he leaves to go to the gym. I decide to gas up the van and take my 6 year old (mind you he can't stand my son) on a road trip. I just didn't want to be in the house that day. So I look for the GPS system and can't find it. I go to the gym to ask him where it was and of course, being the nice wife that I am, tell him of my plans and invite him along. We ended up in Erie PA and at the Erie Zoo. The ride down there we talked and had a great time, until we got back to NY. He wanted to go to this particular restaurant to eat and my son kept saying how hungrey he was. Well again that was it. I was a piece of shit, my son was a piece of shit and so forth. He gets out of the van to walk home (about 20 miles mind you) and I just leave him. I drop my son off at my father's house and proceed to go get him. I pick him up and once again we talked and hashed things out. Now it's evening and we haven't ate a damn thing except pretzles at the zoo (son ate at my dads house) and his 15 year old son starts to throw a fit because his 17 year old son is watching the 6 year old while we go out for his birthday. The 15 year old lunges at his father with a closed fist and my husband takes him down. He starts to punch him in the back and ribs and puts him in a choke hold. So when I think enough is enough, I start yelling at my husband to stop. So he does and the 15 yr old starts laughing at him while he calls the cops. Now to let you know the 15 year old is a problem and no one will help us with him. Not the courts no services no one. So the cops come and needless to say their actually glad that the 15yr old got his ass beat. My oldest step son (19) drives his brother to his sisters house for a few days to give everyone a break. It's just a mess. So we go out that evening and have a really nice time.
Sunday my husband decides to go to the gym with the 17yr old and then take him to his grandmother's house for a few days. They leave at 10:00am and I don't hear from him until 7:00pm that evening. My father was having cake and icecream for the 2 of us since my birthday is April 9th an my husbands April 14th. He never called to let me know that he wasn't going to be home. He never returned my calls to him asking him to call me regarding this. I just figured that he had more important people to see and visit other then me. I get home and he acts like nothing is wrong. God forbid if I express any feelings. He makes me feel like my feelings aren't valid and petty. I love this man with all my heart though. There are so many more good times bad. I haven't been so happy in my life as I am with him. Maybe tonight I'll write more and let everyone know about all the good times. I just don't want to put all the fucked up shit here, but it helps to put it down then keep it bottled up.

8:28 a.m. - 2007-04-14
Laundry Laundry Everywhere
What the fuck..why is it that every morning I wake up to more dishes, laundry and a six year old that just won't let me sleep!!! At 7:00 he knocks on the door and asks if it's time to wake up? I tell him no 9:00, but he consistantly knocks on the door and asks if it is time. I feel like knocking him on his ass but of course I don't. Now mind you we have 4 yes 4 vehicles. My van, hubby's pickup, his SUV and son's car. Not to mention the motorcycle and riding lawnmower. Unfortunatley we have no garage. So now the garbage cans are on the side of the house, I park as close as I can to these cans. Apparently it wasn't close enough. Hubby parked behind the SUV but sort of behind the van. Son parks in the approach. WHY DO I HAVE TO MOVE 2 VEHICLES TO GET OUT OF MY OWN FUCKING DRIVEWAY??? I just want to go get a fucking coffee from Tim Hortons, is that asking too much?
Any why is there so much damn laundry? I could just scream today, everyday it's like this. I just want to pack my bags and leave and never look back. The only thing that stops me are of course my husband and my kids. If my kids father wasn't such a junkie fuckup, there would be more consideration, I think. Well obviously I have a ton of laundry to do and have to start it, yes at 8:30am. I will write more later if I have time.

8:52 p.m. - 2007-04-13
Lost and Found
Well tonight alot happened. My ex-husband saw his son for the first time in 11 months. My son's face lit up but I had to explain to him that his dad had somethings to take care of before he could visit with him. He understood but was very disappointed. I also saw a good friend of mine that I haven't seen in years. She's my daughters godmother and she moved to Louisianna sometime ago and we just lost touch. It was good seeing her tonight. We're going to get together tomorrow with the kids and catch up on lost times. I will write more tomorrow night about things that I need to get off my chest, just laundry is calling right now.

1:18 p.m. - 2007-04-13
Why I am doing this
Well, where do I begin..I decided to do this so that I can vent, cry, get angry, rejoice and share all my inter most personal thoughts with anyone who is interested. I complain to my husband about things that some, well most, might seem trivial. I feel that I can put these into my diary so that he isn't feeling the weight of my problems. Don't get me wrong, he is always there for me, I just want a place that I can go whenever I want to put down my thoughts at that time. I will write more later tonight when I get more time and start to share my days with who ever is interested.

 

 

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