3:34 p.m. - April 25, 2007
Dancing Around Questions
So Tuesday night I ask my husband why he never called me back the previous Sunday when I called. I asked if he was mad at me or if I did something wrong. Knowing that he went to see that skank, coke whore, worthless piece of shit he calls a friend and that was the reason why he didn't call. I didn't tell him that I already saw the cell phone bill and knew that he called her twice that day. He claims that he left his phone in his truck and visited his brother. OK, so he checked his voicemail after I had called and there wasn't another call placed after I called, but that's not like him...unless he visits the skank, coke whore, piece of shit. Yes, that Michelle girl is all that and more. He then started arguing about other things that were way off the subject of the questions that I asked him. O'h well, I guess that's what I get for whatever reason. I just don't think that if you love someone you should treat them like that. He said that before anyone in his life ever got on his ass about drinking too much or visiting someone or whatever, he would stay out for three days and he would be out drinking more just to shoove it down their throat. But yet he says that he don't believe in an eye for an eye. I tell him to put himself in my shoes and how would he feel. Again, no answer, subject changed.
I just can't get over the feelings that he is hiding stupid shit from me. I would rather have him tell me the truth and be hurt for whatever reason then have him lie to me and find out later. It makes me wonder what other little stupid shit he keeps from me. I know that things happen with his kids and family that he "forgets" to tell me, which pisses me off to no end. I wonder if it's on purpose or if he really forgets because it's trivial things. Like his daughter, who is 21, just started a new job or his oldest son got a motorcycle permit. Shit like that, trivial but always forgotten. It hinders that "trust" thing that you work on for so long in a relationship.
I've let it go for now and am focusing on our relationship. Like I said before, he's home everynight and I know he loves me, I just don't think he knows that he's hurting me by doing this. All and all our relationship is great. The kids make it rough and that's what we argue about the most. You know, you think that your kids do no wrong but his kids are fucking asshole arguments. Shit like that. One thing that I love is that once we have said what we need to say to each other, we listen and don't stew too much on what was said. It's over, we'll both try to work on what it is bothering the other and go from there. I didn't have that in my other marriage. That's a whole other entry.
For now I am just venting to whomever wants to read and give their two cents worth. Which is why I started this Diary anyway.
