3:33 p.m. - May 08, 2007
Why Don't People Care?
Why is my daughter being so damn difficult? She is 12 and thinks everyone owes her the world. All I did was tell her that she has to start doing shit around the house to get privileges back and she has to act like a little spoiled bitch. I hate the fact that she compares herself to the teenagers in the house. I hate the fact that she does nothing unless asked but god forbid if you don't jump to her demands.
I know when I get home she probably did nothing, which will then cause an argument with hubby. Man, I don't want to fight with him tonight. I really don't. I'm sitting at work tearing up knowing already what the night is going to be like. Knowing that I have no escape because of this fucking broken ankle really sucks. I don't want to go home. Maybe I'll just sleep here tonight. Do you think anyone will notice that I didn't change my clothes from the day before if I do?
I hate the fact of disciplining the kids. I just don't know what to do with her. The 6yr old is easy. Putting him in his room for the night or a quick swat on the ass seems to work..well for a little bit. But her, she's too old to spank. I try to take things away from her, but it just doesn't seem to matter. Sometimes I just want to throw her down to scare her but I just don't have the heart to do so. Why am I like this? Probably because of the shit I went through growing up, I don't want my kids going through it. I am just at my wits end. I hate the fact to get someone to do something is like pulling fucking teeth in this house. Hubby wonders why I don't let him or anyone else do thing for me when I need them, it's because of shit like this. I would much rather do it myself then hear the grief later of how I did this or I did that..remember? Or why doesn't this one do anything..they always get whatever the fuck they want.
The thought of the foreseeable argument this evening is just making me sick. Maybe I'll take a Xanex and act like I just don't give a shit. Hey, then I'll fit in with everyone else at the house. I just can't take it anymore and feel like I'm going to have a nervous fucking breakdown. Again, no one to talk to because no one cares and my feelings don't matter.
