6:26 a.m. - May 18, 2007
Fucking His Devious Plans...And He Thinks I Don't Know
So I get up at 5:30am this morning because hubby is going to the gym. Now I know that he is going to the city to his aunt's and then his brother's house to return some shit. I checked his voicemail when he left and that cunt Michelle left him a voice mail that when he comes to the city if he could bring Dan and Cat with him. Now I know Dan is her boyfriend but I'm not sure who Cat is. If she isn't with Dan, where is she? Maybe some psyc ward where she'll never leave. Maybe she'll try to commit suicide and be sucessfull. I only wish. Now my anxiety sets in, I take a Xanex but the trembling and dry heaves don't go away....I plot and make a call.
I called my bf Jenn and ask her if I should just call in and tell him that I want to spend the day with him or go to work and call him at noon telling him that he has to pick me up because I'm sick. Knowing if he is visiting her he won't answer the phone and this is all good ammo for a fight. I make a decision...I called my boss and left her a vm that I won't be in and that I would call her later this afternoon. The reason I gave her doesn't matter but my thoughts are this:
Fuck him..I would rather damper his plans and have him not see her, so this way he can explain to her why he didn't go then have him make up some lame excuse like my phone was off or I left it in the truck.
Why does he think that I don't find this shit out? Does he think that I'm stupid? He must because he continues these little mind games that are just fucking me up and I can't even tell him.
I can't tell him because we had the discussion before about me checking the cell phone bill and "keeping tabs on him like a child." But what am I supposed to do? Am I paranoid, yes, but I know that he's not cheating on me so why does it bother me so? God I can't wait till he walks through this door and the look on his face when I tell him that I took today off to spend with him. Well we were supposed to be on vacation together this week anyways but the cast on my foot fucked it all up.
I wish there was a way to get over this jealousy that consumes me. I don't know why it is that this bothers me so. He's home with me but why does he lie? How do I confront him about all this for my own mental piece of mind without fighting with him. This shit is making me physically sick not to say what it is doing to me mentally and emotionally.
Someone please let me know how to handle this. I don't know how much more I can take before I lose it.
Update.... Calling in sick to work $150.00 Gas and lunch for the two of us today $85.00 Checking his voicemail, fucking up his day....priceless
I told him that I called in sick to spend the day with him. He seemed delighted. I was disappointed in his reaction. I asked him if he had plans on seeing Michelle today and he told me no that he doesn't need her drama. Whatever, I got my way and I feel better. Anxiety is gone knowing that I fucked him and her. Boy this little feeling of revenge is sweet.
