2:58 p.m. - November 06, 2007
I Almost Broke
I almost broke Saturday. I got into a huge fight with hubby and couldn't deal with life anymore. He told me to go fuck myself and die...that was all that I needed to hear.
I kissed my son goodbye and told him that I loved him. Kissed my daughter goodbye, told her that I loved her and to take care of her brother. I kissed my husband goodbye and walked out the door.
Now I have stated before that dying is my biggest fear. That was until Saturday. I am no longer afraid to die. I worry about my kids and their father getting custody of them and that's what kept me here.
Hubby called my cell while I was driving to the river and told me to come home, things didn't have to be like this. No, I thought, I can change how things are.
I felt that I was being selfish and my kids would suffer the most. I went home. It was hard.
I think that I'm going to lose my house. I am behind again on my mortgage payments, even though I shouldn't be. I am going to send them a payment this week and make up the payments every other week, since I get paid every 2 weeks. Hopefully it's not too late and I can save my house.
I don't know. I have a good life insurance policy that would pay off the house and all the debt from the car to any credit cards. I just worry about my kids. I feel hopeless, once again, and I don't know what to do.
If anyone would like to donate about $2000.00 to the Amy Foundation to help save her house let me know. You could probably use it as a tax write off..lol.
