3:45 p.m. - November 16, 2007
Had to shut off my daughter's cell phone today to cut back on expenses. I'm going to cut my cable chanels out as well. Just until I find out what the hell is going on.
I wish someone would just save me. I hate groveling to my father for money when I get into this shit. I only need a couple thousand to get this house shit together. I just have no where to turn. I haven't told hubby what my thoughts are about the house until I get the "official certified letter." I guess worse case senario is that I try to file bankruptcy and get my shit together.
Boy this scares me and it is a big wakeup call to where priorities lie. Christmas is going to suck this year for everyone. I guess all I can do is the best I can. Cassie knows what's going on just from hearing conversations and arguments that hubby and I have. I feel bad that she knows that I'm really financially in trouble this time. I have been before, but not like this.
I feel like a failure and that life is worth nothing. I just don't know where to turn to. I don't want to turn to family or friends, well the only friend I have. I'm too ashamed. I don't go to church so I feel like I can't ask God to bail me out.
I let my family and myself down. I feel worthless and good for nothing. I don't know for what purpose I was placed on this earth, I just hope it wasn't to disappoint people because that's all I have done my whole entire life.