9:57 a.m. - April 23, 2007
Jealousy Is So Consuming
Now about this skank, coke whore slut Michelle. Michelle has been friends with my husband for about 20 years. They have known each other since high school. They have dated a couple of times, just for a few months in the past. Apparently she shuts down and stops communicating with him once they're together. I have met her, she has met my kids and she seemed really nice. Until the one day when my husband told her that we were getting married, she started shit like, she's no good for you, I am the only one who loves and understands you and blah blah blah. He told me that he told her that he was very happy and that I totaly lift his spirits and he is a better person since him and I have been together and if she can't except that then they can't be friends. Well I totaly blew up and asked what kind of friend is she for saying that and what kind of woman was she as well. Says alot for her character. She is a mother of 3 that does not have custody of her kids because she is a TERRIBLE MOTHER!! I can't stand her and I would probably spit on her if I ever saw her.
Well, my husband still talks to her about once a month. This bothers me because he knows how I feel about her. She has a boyfriend that she lives with that my husband also knows. Now when I ask him if he has talked to her lately he tells me no, but her number is listed on his cell phone bill. Now I pay the bills out of our bill money, so of course I see what calls are being made and so forth. Why is he lying to me. I know that he's not cheating on me as he is home right from work and we do things together. Is he sparing my feelings? Does he not want to fight about her? I would rather have him tell me that he has talked to her then lie to me about it. It makes it hard to trust someone when you know that they are lying to your face. I will never tell him that I've seen the bill because then the fight will occure and it's just not worth fighting with him. I know that Sunday that he was supposed to spend the evening at my Dad's with me he called her twice while he was in the city. Did he go visit? Don't know. I asked him if he heard from her and he said that he got a voice mail from her daughter wishing him a Happy Birthday. What a fucking liar.
Why am I so jealous over a friendship that he barely has with her. He loves me, he comes home to me and is sleeping in my bed. I think the thing that bothers me is when he has had the opportunity to visit her and I call him, he doesn't return my calls. I'm his wife and he should and maybe I will address that with him tonight when I get home.
Again, another day shot with depression and anger and so many questions as to why people think they can treat me like shit. I guess if I let them treat me like that it will never change.
11:31 a.m. - 2007-04-20
Depression Has Hit Me Hard Today
I am so depressed and want to cry. My 15 year old step son, who has mental health issues, has a probable court date in the next few weeks. They are probably going to lock him in a detention center while court is going on and then refer him to the Department of Social Services for placement. Thomas has been diagnosed with bi-polar and ODD (Opositional Defiance Disorder) and is a handfull. We tried counseling but he refuses to talk. We tried medication, but with his alcohol and drug abuse we can't give him that to help him self medicate himself to the point of him overdosing. Thomas got out of hand one night while his father was at work, sometime in the beginning of March. He was calling me all kinds of vile names and such and I told him if he kept it up I would smack him in the face. Well he called me a "fat fucking liar" so I smacked him. He started huffing and puffing then punched me on the side of the face, breaking my glasses in two. I called his father who told me to call the cops. Of course with him being only 15 they couldn't do anything with him. They could of course take me and my children to a domestic violence shelter for the night. Yeah right, and let the 15 year old have the run of the house. So now this is going to court, per his father's wishes to see if they can get him the help he needs. I sit there and think that if I would have acted differently or walked away would this of happened? Probably not, but he has been brought home by the police on a number of occasions and put on probation for breaking in and entering a pizza place. I feel so helpless and so responsible. Is this what this child needs? I just don't know what more we can do for him since he doesn't want to help himself. I see my 6 year old starting to act like him in ways of his anger too. I nip that right away and ask him if he wants to end up like Thomas.
Then there is the issue with Michelle...I will talk about that at a later time. I'm just to upset and feeling sick right now to deal with anymore thoughts of this life that God handed me.
