11:15 a.m. - May 25, 2007
Lifeless
Why is it that when ever I say or do something it always comes back to bite me in the ass. I don't understand the word "past". If you say something that you regret and your partner accepts your apology and says don't worry about it, it's in the past. Well why does it always get brought up in arguments? If it's supposed to be in the past, fucking leave it there. Don't tell me it's allright then 3 weeks from now shove it down my fucking throat till I choke. Either leave in the past where you said it belonged in the first place or don't make the statement that it should be left there.
Enough..I have my cast on for another 3 weeks. This fucking doctor tells me that my ankle is healing good but he doesn't want me to put preasure on it. No walking cast. So I start to tear up like a little 12 year old and tell him that I'm walking on my toes and the bottom is ready to blow out. This fucker reinforces the cast with white casting shit when my cast is hot pink. Fucking asshole. Now my foot is white and from the ankle up is hot pink. I look like a rejected flamingo or candy cane or something. Needless to say, I'm going Tuesday to have them remove and recast my foot (with a normal white cast that I should have had in the first place)
I am tired of this shit. I can't drive to get coffee from Tim Horton's anymore. I can't leave the house unless hubby is with me. I get up, take a bath, get 6 year old ready for school, go to work, come home and sit.
Nice fucking life. I'm bored and sick of not being able to do anything for myself that mentally it's starting to fuck with me. I find myself staring off into space when I am home and falling into depression. Once again I hear how it's all about me and I don't give a shit how this is effecting everyone else. Ya think? I do know how this is effecting everyone and it sucks. Sorry that I don't live up to your expectations as a wife and mother, but I'm not perfect and neither are you.
Life sucks and I don't have one. My friend will call to see if I want to go out and I always tell her no because I don't want him using me going out as ammo in an argument. It sucks but that's the way I feel and maybe I'm just doing this to myself. I don't know what to say or how to act around him anymore in fear that I'm doing something wrong and what a piece of shit I am. But yet I love him to death but I'm so misserable. I hope once the cast comes off, I can at least snap out of this and finally get a life.
PS..Jenn, I saw Rob M. yesterday at the doctor's and he said (well I over heard him talking)that he hasn't worked in over a year and a half. Fucken loser. Best thing for you was to get rid of him. He also looked beat and scummy.
