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11:57 a.m. - June 20, 2007
Depression Being Noticed By Others
I am under so much stress lately that I am having anxiety attacks, small ones, but they are every day.

First off the insurance company never got the check for the kids insurance and they canceled them effective 5/31/07. I didn't realize that the check didn't clear because half the time it takes them like 3 weeks to cash it. So now they have no health insurance for June and Cassie and Robbie had doctors appts last week that I know have to pay out of pocket for. Robbie also has another appointment on Friday the 29th that he has to go to since I've already rescheduled.

The brake line on my van needs to be fixed so that is going tonight to the shop. Another expense.

I have to call the mortgage company to find out where the paper work is to re-do our mortgage. They told me 2-3 weeks and I think it's been more like 4.

Robbie has been a total pain in the ass the last couple days. He's close to getting an ass beat, but again, I hate disciplining my kids.

Court is in 2 weeks and I don't know what to make of things. Thomas coming home - will it work out and how will it effect others in the house? Thomas going away - how will this effect hubby?

I started the paperwork for hubby to get sole custody of Thomas. All he has to do is give me the details of why conditions have changed. It still sits on top of the night stand. I can only do so much with that, he needs to do the rest.

Work is noticing the change in me. I talked to my boss who suggested that I contact the employee assisance program to see if they can help me sort shit out. Not that this is effecting my performance at work, but they can see the depression and are concerned.

I sometimes don't know where to begin. I just hate almost every aspect of my life right now and know that I am the only one who can change.

I also miss my dog Misty that I gave up last week. I miss her the most and out of everything that is going on, I think that's taking the biggest toll on me. It's just weird and maybe it's not right that this bothers me the most out of everything, but it does. She was my campanion, best friend and one hell of a great listener. I know her going was best for her and everyone in the house. I miss her the most at night when I'm lying in bed by myself. She was always there, at my feet, in my way...God I miss her.

 

 

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