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12:29 p.m. - August 23, 2007
Dear Mom,
My mother can be such a fucking bitch. Let me explain....

Lately I have noticed that throughout my life people have really treated me like shit and I never realized it until now. Yes, I know, it took me 30+ years to figure this out, but I did and I have had it.

I have cut off most contact with my mother and her side of he family over the past 3 years. They have always belittled me and my family just because we didn't have money or "prominent jobs" that require a masters degree in something. My mother is always worried what other people think and how her children's actions will reflect on her.

As you all know, I broke my foot a few months ago. When I called my mother to let her know I didn't get an "Aww honey, I am so sorry. Are you OK?" I got "Oh, really? By the way have you talked to your Grandmother lately?"

I have gone through alot of shit in my childhood years. Things that she could have prevented and never did. So a few weeks before Christmas last year I called her and just vented. Not wanting anything but maybe a little compasion from my mother, maybe even an apology for not getting my brother and I out of a fucked up situation when we were younger. What does she do, she turns her back on me once again and hangs up on me. Just when I needed her the most she left. The last time my mother was there for me was when I had Robbie 7 years ago.

I get this email from her yesterday that says how a mother died and the child never had time to say good bye and how life is short and take care and love what you have in front of you now because it might not be there tomorrow, yada, yada, yada. Now I take this personally because for one, she never sends me email. For two, I was the only one she sent it to. Not my Grandmother or my brother, but just me.

So I found this poem online and it is so how I feel right now about her.

Dear Mom,
You said you'd always be there

But you're nowhere to be found
I can't believe you left me

I feel so low beneath the ground
There's nothing I can do now

I trusted you with all my heart
But now you're gone

You're the one who tore my life apart
I've learned not to trust

There's nothing more to say
You've lost someone special

You can't get back each day
Now you're the one left in the dark

And all of a sudden you feel my pain
You expect me to take you back

But you still feel you're not to blame
I could never forgive you

Even if I tried
You can never make up

For the lonely nights I've cried
You will never know the feeling

Of losing the person you need the most
To laugh and cry and love you

Instead of making you feel like a ghost
I've moved on with my life

Without you by my side
My pain has kept so long

I'm telling you how I feel inside
In a way I want to thank you

Because of you I'm strong
I just wanted you to know

I didn't turn out wrong

 

 

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