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3:45 p.m. - November 16, 2007
So Desperate
Well the mortgage company stopped calling my phone everyday. Not because I'm up to date with payments, I'm sure they started the foreclosure process on my house. I sent them one payment on Tuesday and will send another next Wednesday when I get paid. Hopefully I'm not too late.

Had to shut off my daughter's cell phone today to cut back on expenses. I'm going to cut my cable chanels out as well. Just until I find out what the hell is going on.

I wish someone would just save me. I hate groveling to my father for money when I get into this shit. I only need a couple thousand to get this house shit together. I just have no where to turn. I haven't told hubby what my thoughts are about the house until I get the "official certified letter." I guess worse case senario is that I try to file bankruptcy and get my shit together.

Boy this scares me and it is a big wakeup call to where priorities lie. Christmas is going to suck this year for everyone. I guess all I can do is the best I can. Cassie knows what's going on just from hearing conversations and arguments that hubby and I have. I feel bad that she knows that I'm really financially in trouble this time. I have been before, but not like this.

I feel like a failure and that life is worth nothing. I just don't know where to turn to. I don't want to turn to family or friends, well the only friend I have. I'm too ashamed. I don't go to church so I feel like I can't ask God to bail me out.

I let my family and myself down. I feel worthless and good for nothing. I don't know for what purpose I was placed on this earth, I just hope it wasn't to disappoint people because that's all I have done my whole entire life.



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